i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
