I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
