But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
