So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
where are my eyebrows?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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