i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
