all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
