I wish you could order shots online.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
