We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
