I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
