and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
