It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
