Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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