you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
