There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
