Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
