Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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