in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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