Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
