Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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