I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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