Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this just has baby written all over it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
