No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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