Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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