We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
