You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
