Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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