im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
