I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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