And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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