never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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