I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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