Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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