Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
