There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
