we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
