Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
