The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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