I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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