Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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