Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
