went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Terrible idea I love it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
