I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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