So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
