She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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