You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
