that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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