Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
