I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
