I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
