Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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